If your child steals from you or others, don’t panic – and don’t make an immediate trip to the woodshed.

A child may steal for a range of reasons. Each can be understood and, with prompt, forceful action, you can turn the kid around with no lasting harm.

“Children steal for the same reason that anyone steals – they want the object,” says Dr. John Hoover, a Minyanville professor and member of Partners in Human Resources International. “Dealing successfully with theft behavior must address the specific underlying motivation, which can vary widely from child-to-child and situation-to-situation.”

Always set a good example for your child. If a store clerk gives you too much change, immediately return it. Then explain to your child that you gave the extra money back because it doesn’t belong to you and it’s therefore the right thing to do.

Stress that the money belongs to the store and say that the clerk is responsible for money in the cash register and must use his own funds to make up any shortage at the end of the day. Tell your child that you should never take advantage of an honest mistake, especially from a harried clerk counting out change.

Make sure your kid understands that stealing is wrong and drives up the cost of everything for shoppers at Wal-Mart (WMT), Target (TG), Safeway (SWY), Kroger (KR) and other stores.

Don’t pilfer office supplies or (some people actually do this) scrounge wood and other material from construction sites because this teaches your child that petty theft is acceptable.

It might seem that no one is going to miss a dozen pencils or a box of paper clips, but how did you feel the last time you needed something only to find it had walked away? Remember: children will learn from your actions and attitudes.

Make a point of asking to borrow something your child uses regularly. This will underscore ownership, respect for others and the importance of returning items to the owner. Then praise your child for borrowing and returning a ruler or some little thing from your desk.

“Rewarded behavior is repeated behavior,” Hoover says.

Ages 5 and Under

Children aged five or under may not yet understand the concept of ownership and therefore don’t see that it’s wrong to take things from others. This isn’t unusual because small children are self-centered and most can’t see beyond themselves, let alone see the world through the eyes of others and understand that another person needs whatever they took.

It therefore makes no sense to punish your child for something that’s beyond comprehension at a young age. Instead, make every theft episode a learning moment: teach your child to honor property as well as how to share it. Keep the explanation simple and use the child’s favorite toy as an example. Ask the child: how would you feel if someone took your teddy bear without your permission?

Most small children don’t understand the value of money, but know it’s important to adults. Parents see that children soon show more interest in their keys, kitchen implements and other trappings of adulthood than toys.

If money is involved, tell your child it’s wrong to take it without permission and explain why. Then remove temptation by stashing cash beyond your child’s reach on a high shelf or a place your child won’t look. Don’t tempt your kid by leaving money in plain sight, especially at a young age when the idea of yours/mine/ours is being developed.

Pre-teens and Teenagers

Pre-teens and teenagers can be a tougher problem.

Advertising does a good job creating desire or sharpening a sense of scarcity. Older kids may steal because they lack -- or feel they lack -- basic things. Impressionable children and adolescents feel they can’t live without certain items and a few kill each other for a pair of running shoes.

Total scarcity is almost certainly untrue unless you live in a cardboard box on the wrong side of the tracks. The problem: your child hasn’t learned the difference between needs and wants.

Give your child the opportunity to earn money with an after school job or increase the weekly allowance and add responsibilities around the house. This will give your child a sense of accomplishment.

Some children may steal because they seek attention or because they lack friends. This is a tough one and requires parents to reassess the time spent with the child and type of attention the child receives. Somehow, the child has come to believe that the thrill of stealing or gratification derived from having stuff will ease discontent or fill an emotional void.

This can get knotty and you need to talk it out with your child. In severe cases, it may be helpful to involve a minister, priest, rabbi or child psychologist.

“Like drinking or taking drugs, stealing can be a way of showing off for friends,” Hoover says. “This miscreant behavior is usually directly proportional to a young person’s sense of inadequacy, which can span all ethnicities and income groups.”

Testing limits is part of growing up, and some middle-class kids may feel the need to break the rules to assert their independence. If your kid is running with a bad crowd, don’t make personal attacks on the unsavory friends because that will put you in a battle you can’t win, especially if the friends fill an emotional need for acceptance.

Instead, look for an upstanding teen or young adult who can forge a solid relationship with your kid. Don’t turn that person into a spy by asking what your kid discussed. That will kill the relationship you seek to cultivate and make the bad crowd more attractive.

If you suspect your child is stealing from you, don’t make accusations without solid proof. Even circumstantial evidence isn’t enough -- you’ve got to catch your kid in the act of stealing. Don’t discipline the kid for coming clean because that teaches the wrong lesson: the truth brings punishment. But show grave concern if something is missing. That way your kid won’t think the theft has been undetected.

If you catch your child stealing, don’t ask for an explanation because any tall tale quickly becomes a cul-de-sac and is likely to be followed by more lies, compounding the problem.

Instead, tell the child what you know and how you know it – stick to the facts. Describe the physical and emotional damage the theft has caused you and others. Give the thief something to feel guilty about. Guilty – not ashamed – because conscience is your best friend. Make it clear that stealing is wrong and unacceptable. Keep the explanation simple and direct – don’t preach from the mountain top.

Don’t call your child a thief. Simply state that stealing is wrong and the act cannot be repeated.

If your child steals from a neighbor, make sure the item or money is returned. Your child must apologize for the theft. Go with your child and set up a restitution program, if needed.

Continue to trust your child. Give the kid tasks, errands and responsibilities that demand trustworthiness. In short, give the kid every opportunity to succeed. Theft is a problem, but not an uncommon or insurmountable issue among teens and younger children. Handled properly, your child will be fine.

“In most cases, stealing is a phase children go through until they learn better,” Hoover says. “That’s why it’s important to teach them about the consequences both to themselves and their victims as soon as possible. Shaming them for stealing will only make the problem worse. Letting the child know in no uncertain terms, including facing their victims, how harmful stealing can be will instill guilt – something all of us can use from time to time.”